There is something about the word terminal that drops like a stone in the middle of a conversation. It’s heavy, it feels like a last word, and it casts a shadow over everything else. But the truth that too often gets missed out is this: a terminal diagnosis is not the same as dying tomorrow, or even this week or month. It doesn’t mean you’re out of time, either for yourself or with a loved one.
That’s not to diminish its weight – a terminal diagnosis does mean that time immediately becomes more precious. In that space between the diagnosis and the final chapter, there can be a lot of living, planning, reflecting and even healing that makes all the difference to how it is experienced.
Facing the news: Whatever you feel is OK
As much as you may have been preparing for it from the moment you received an initial diagnosis whether it was for heart disease, cancer or anything else, hearing those words can knock the wind out of you.
“There’s nothing more we can do.”
Whether it comes suddenly or after a long run of attempts to spur recovery, it still changes everything. At this point it is natural to feel negative emotions: fear, anger, confusion and, in many cases, numbness. It’s also entirely natural to experience a wave of conflicting emotions which change by the hour and even the minute.
There is no “correct” emotional response to hearing a terminal diagnosis. What matters is giving yourself and those around you the space to feel what comes, without the sense that you or they should be feeling something else. Denial, acceptance, grief and even peace all have a place in this experience.
Planning isn’t giving up – it’s taking control
Sunset Koh Samui 2025
Many people hesitate to make practical end-of-life arrangements, for fear that it will look like giving in. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Planning ahead is one of the most empowering things a person can do at this time. It means making sure your wishes and needs are known, and for the person who has received the diagnosis it means releasing loved ones from the burden of having to make those decisions in a time of grief.
This can include arranging medical and legal documents, having conversations about palliative care, or something as simple as picking music to be played at the service. It can be coordinating transport or funeral flags for the cortege. When small details like this are ironed out ahead of time, it allows both the person with the diagnosis and their loved ones to focus on marking the memories rather than logistics, which can feel so irrelevant in a time of mourning.
Making a checklist, and ticking things off as and when it feels right, can ease anxiety and restore a sense of calm – and allow the remaining time to be filled with more pleasant moments.
Living With A Terminal Diagnosis
As we noted back at the beginning, a terminal diagnosis doesn’t mean an immediate end. There may be more time than expected: it’s not uncommon for someone to live for years after such a diagnosis. In the time between the news being delivered and the end itself, many people experience a sense of empowerment and clarity that they hadn’t had for some time; perhaps ever.
This can lead to rediscovering joy in little things. Reconnecting with people they’ve missed. Writing letters, or taking trips they’d always wanted to make. Many say things they’ve always meant to say. The diagnosis doesn’t erase the person – in fact, it often distills their feelings into sharper focus.
Neither is it necessarily a time to create a bucket list and tick things off for the sake of it. It’s about being present and doing what you want to do; slowing down enough to really taste a favorite meal, enjoy a beloved film or take in a blissful view with the people who matter most.
The role of loved ones
And if you are one of those people, it is easy to feel helpless when someone close has received that diagnosis. But your presence can be all the help someone needs. You don’t have to fix things. Just being there is enough.
Ask what they want to talk about. Let them share memories, or vent if they need to. Sometimes they will just want to sit in comfortable silence – it’s up to them, so let their needs guide you. And when they are ready to talk about logistics and planning, participate readily; offer help in ways that make it easier on them, whether that’s gathering together paperwork, making phone calls or just making tea or coffee while they write down some wishes.
A terminal diagnosis is never a welcome piece of news, but neither does it need to be a final word. Taken in stride, it can be the beginning of a peaceful and memorable final chapter.
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