Darlings, let me regale you with the uproarious tale of long-term rentals in Italy. Picture this: me, the epitome of opulence, setting out on a grand adventure to find the perfect Italian abode. But little did I know, the journey would be fraught with laughter, tears, and a significant dent in my bank account!

I have been a victim of Italian landlord scammers since 2019, trust me They have no shame.

After you read this you will understand why I am going to buy my Italian property.

The Italian Long-Term Rental Shenanigans

Ah, Italy – the land of art, culture, and pasta. But when it comes to long-term rentals, be prepared to embark on a rollercoaster of financial misadventures. You see, my fellow international renters, Italy has a knack for taking you on a wild ride.

Antique Furniture That Doesn’t Age Well

Let’s talk about the pièce de résistance  antique furniture. It sounds positively charming, doesn’t it? Until you realize that the term “antique” often translates to “on the brink of collapse.” Those beautiful but fragile pieces may look like they belong in a museum, but they won’t survive your opulent lifestyle for long.

The Financial Gymnastics of Broken Furniture

Oh, but the fun doesn’t stop there! Italians have an impressive talent for taking financial advantage of renters. They’ll hand over furniture that’s already on its last legs, and then, voilà, charge you for any wear and tear as if it’s your fault. It’s like a financial gymnastics routine that defies logic.

historical Italian chairs furniture

Airbnb Fees and Cleaning Charades

Now, let’s talk about Airbnb – a platform that has its quirks in Italy. You’ll encounter cleaning fees that are sky-high and make-up phase claims that would put a Hollywood makeup artist to shame. They’ll point fingers at you for damaging anything and everything, even if it’s been a day since you moved in.

Welcome to my Villa hell!

Vacuum Cleaners That Belong in a Museum

Oh, don’t even get me started on the vacuum cleaners! They’re older than your grandmother’s recipes and about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. And guess what? Italians want you to pay for cleaning fees on top of using these relics.

Beds and Chairs Held Together by Plastic

You know it’s going to be a riot when you find beds and chairs held together by plastic. But guess what? When they inevitably break, the landlord will come knocking, demanding that you foot the bill for repairs.

wine cellar italian furniture

The “Gift” That Keeps on Taking

And let’s not forget the charming tradition of offering gifts and then asking for money later. It’s like a comedy sketch where the punchline is your wallet getting lighter by the minute.

The Art of Bond and Airbnb Claims

In the charming city of Lucca, I encountered some of my worst Airbnb hosts – Italians on a quest to make an extra euro on false claims. They’ve mastered the art of deceit, my friends.

Beds Older Than the Colosseum

Now, let’s talk about the pièce de résistance – beds older than Rome itself. These ancient marvels creak and groan as if they’re auditioning for a role in a historical drama. But heaven forbid a leg snaps or a spring pokes through – because guess who’s footing the bill for “damage”? That’s right, you!

The Unruly Truth

So, here’s the unruly truth, my dear readers: don’t pay upfront, don’t rent long-term with furniture or even a kitchen, and be prepared to bid your two-month bond adieu. Foreigners like us will forever be at a disadvantage against crafty Italians looking to make a quick buck.

In the end, this uproarious journey through Italian long-term rentals has been nothing short of a comedy show. But hey, at least I’ve amassed a collection of anecdotes to entertain my fellow opulent adventurers!

poncho villa lifestyle 2020

Painting the Whole Place: An Italian Affair

Ah, the Italian obsession with freshly painted walls! They’ll insist on repainting the entire place, even if the last coat was applied during the Renaissance. And just when you think it can’t get more absurd, they’ll charge you for the privilege. It’s like paying for a front-row seat to a never-ending paint show.

The Mysterious Stains of Yesteryear

And who could forget the mysterious stains that have graced the floor for centuries? Italians have a talent for pinpointing these ancient blemishes and accusing you of their creation. It’s like blaming you for the Battle of Pompeii when you’ve barely been there a week.

Document, Document, Document

In this zany circus of Italian rentals, there’s only one rule: document everything. Film, take photos, and create a paper trail that rivals the Vatican archives. It’s your only hope of proving your innocence in the face of these outlandish charges.

The Bond You’ll Bond With

No matter what you do, even through the seemingly impartial Airbnb, you’ll inevitably end up parting with at least two months’ worth of rent as your bond. It’s like a bizarre initiation ceremony into the world of Italian rentals – you either laugh along with the absurdity or cry over your dwindling savings.

A Comedy of Errors

So, my fellow adventurers, when you enter the whirlwind of Italian rentals, remember to bring your sense of humor. It’s a comedy of errors where you’re the unwitting star. But hey, at least you’ll leave with a story to tell and a lesson learned. In Italy, expect the unexpected, and always have a hearty laugh along the way!

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