No one warned me that menopause would come like a thief in the night and rob me of my orgasms. I wasn’t prepared for the desert-like dryness, the vanishing libido, or the sudden distance between my body and my mind. Sex became complicated, clumsy, and quite frankly, forgettable. It’s no wonder men have affairs or start dating women half their age here in Thailand—they’re simply seeking what we menopausal women are told we’ve lost forever: desire.
But here’s the thing. I’m not ready to surrender my sensuality to a hormonal hiccup. Menopause is not a death sentence for my pleasure—it’s a recalibration. I had to get strategic, informed, and yes, a little experimental. I had to rewrite the rules.
The Hormone Hijack
Oestrogen—the elegant elixir of our femininity—begins to vanish during perimenopause. This shift can wreak havoc on the vaginal landscape. We’re talking thinning tissue, decreased elasticity, and the sudden need to buy lubricants in bulk. The clitoris, my old reliable friend, also retreats under hormonal siege. It becomes less sensitive, less reactive. What used to feel like fireworks now feels like a lukewarm sparkler.
Sex started to hurt. I grieved the ease of arousal. I stared at the ceiling mid-act wondering when it would end. I needed answers, not pity.
Dr. Juliet Balfour: My Menopause Muse
When I stumbled upon the words of Dr. Juliet Balfour, an NHS menopause specialist in Somerset, I felt seen. She confirmed what my body had been shouting: the vaginal tissues are shrinking, blood flow is dwindling, and even the nerve endings are taking a nap.
The impact? Orgasms become elusive, like an ex-lover who ghosted. But there’s hope—real, scientific, tangible hope.
HRT: Not the Only Answer, But a Powerful One
Dr. Balfour recommends HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) to treat the broader symptoms of menopause. From hot flushes to joint pain to brain fog, it’s a lifeline. But when it comes to sex specifically, she sings the praises of local vaginal oestrogen. A tiny tablet, pessary, or cream inserted directly into the vagina can restore elasticity, awaken nerve endings, and give your vulva a much-needed plump. Sounds glamorous, doesn’t it?
Here’s the best part—local oestrogen is safe for long-term use and won’t mess with your overall hormone levels. The sooner you start, the better the outcome. It’s like giving your body a hydrating facial from the inside out.
My Alternative Route: Thailand’s Holistic Playground
Living in Thailand changed the game. I wasn’t ready to dive into HRT. Instead, I started pampering my body like the temple it is. Herbal gut cleanses awakened my dormant senses. Thai massage released tension buried deep in my pelvis. I swapped antidepressants and antihistamines for ocean walks, barefoot on warm sand.
Stress, I learned, is the ultimate arousal killer. I wasn’t just battling menopause—I was suffocating under pressure, overwork, and emotional clutter. One orgasm after a deep-tissue massage had me laughing and crying all at once. I didn’t need a prescription. I needed pleasure—every single day.
Testosterone – A Taboo Worth Breaking
Once the dryness is handled, and pain subsides, yet orgasms still play hard to get—testosterone might just be the secret sauce. Yes, women have it too. Some trained GPs can prescribe it, or you can see a menopause specialist. Around 60% of women find it dramatically improves their sexual response.
This isn’t just about hormones. It’s about giving yourself permission to reclaim pleasure. If your doctor looks baffled when you bring it up, change doctors. You’re not crazy. You’re evolving.
Break the Monotony – Spice Up the Routine
Dr. Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, put it plainly—our brains need novelty. If we’re sticking with the same partner for decades (as many of us do), we need to shift something else. That tired routine of five minutes of fumbling and predictable missionary needs to retire.
Try a toy. Try roleplay. Try sex in a different room. Try standing up. Just try something. Go on a White Lotus Adventure to Thailand.
Sometimes the brain needs new pathways to get excited again. Think of it as sending your libido on a luxury retreat.
Pussy Yoga
Before you expect someone else to touch you right, touch yourself—emotionally and physically. I had to learn how to feel sexy again. Not for my partner. For me. Movement therapy, belly dancing, even wearing silk robes while sipping Thai tea in my garden helped me reconnect: or Thai gut health, treatments.
Coco Berlin, a former belly dancer turned pelvic floor guru, teaches what she calls pussy yoga. It’s a practice that trains the pelvic floor to support not just your bladder but your bliss. These muscles are the very ones contracting during orgasm. If you want stronger climaxes, you train them like abs.
Rediscover Your Erotic Identity
I used to think sensuality belonged to my younger self—the one who could climax from a kiss. But menopause, for all its chaos, gave me clarity. I started asking myself:
What actually turns me on now?
Turns out, it’s not just about physical touch. It’s about ambiance, scent, intention. Soft sheets. Dim lights. The sound of the ocean. My partner’s voice whispering something sincere—not just sexy. Being in the moment, not worrying about how I look or what needs to be done after.
Orgasms are more than a physical act. They’re an emotional surrender.
My Daily Rituals of Re-Awakening
Every day, I do something to honour my sensual self:
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I use a luxurious, skin-safe lubricant—even if I’m not planning to have sex.
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I book a weekly foot massage. It’s Thailand, after all.
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I wear perfume just for me.
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I buy flowers for my bedroom.
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I take photos of myself looking glamorous, even if no one sees them but me.
These aren’t just indulgences. They’re medicine.
A Final Word: Don’t Settle
Midlife doesn’t mean mid-desire. If anything, this chapter is about refining what you want, shedding the things that don’t serve, and taking ownership of your body. Your orgasms haven’t disappeared. They’ve just gone into hiding. With patience, knowledge, and a little creativity, you can coax them back into your life—and maybe discover new ones you never had before.
Living in Thailand reminds me daily of the power of self-pleasure, the joy of natural healing, and the thrill of rediscovering my body. I may be menopausal, but I’m not done. Not by a long shot.a
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