Women Versus Men – More Than Money It’s About Power

I recently ran a Twitter vote, that women don’t leave their relationships because they don’t have the money to! Whopping 75% of women agreed.

Most of us have been told at some point that we need an emergency fund – money set aside for broken washing machines, vet bills, or an unexpected car repair. It’s the financial equivalent of a first-aid kit: not glamorous, but absolutely essential.

But a growing number of women – especially millennials and Gen Z – are quietly building something different: a “f— you” fund.

Also known as an escape, walkaway, or revenge fund, this isn’t just about surviving a leaky roof. It’s about having enough money to leave any situation that is no longer serving you: a toxic job, a cruel landlord, a controlling partner, or a city that’s eating you alive.

It’s also why married women in their fifties melt their wedding ring as a statement of recapturing their personal independence.

More Than Money: It’s About Power

Psychotherapists point out that these funds are not really about pounds and pence. They’re about power.

For many women, entering a relationship or committing to a job carries emotional risk and financial risk. You might share a home, merge bank accounts, pause your career for childcare, or relocate for a partner’s work. Every one of those decisions can quietly reduce your financial autonomy, even if the relationship starts out loving and supportive.

A “f— you” fund is a silent, private counterweight. It says: I love you, but I don’t depend on you. I can walk if I need to.

The Lesson Many Mothers Passed Down

For a lot of women, this idea didn’t start on TikTok or finance podcasts. It started at the kitchen table.

Maybe your mother or grandmother said something like:

• “Always keep a bit of money in your own name.”
• “Never be completely financially dependent on anyone.”
• “Make sure you’ve got enough to leave if you ever have to.”

Those sentences often came from lived experience: women left with nothing after divorce, widowed without savings, or trapped because they had no financial way out. They learned the hard way that love without financial safety can turn into a cage.

Today, the same advice is being translated for a new generation: build a fund no one else controls and no one else knows about.

From Stable Life To Total Reset

Imagine this:

You’ve been in the same job for nearly three decades. You’ve spent almost as long in a relationship that, on paper, looks solid: shared home, shared routine, shared history.

Then the cracks widen.

Your health starts to wobble – maybe it’s perimenopause, chronic stress, or a long-ignored medical issue. Work becomes intolerable, the pressure ramps up, and the support you hoped for at home simply isn’t there. Instead of care and understanding, you get impatience, minimising comments, or emotional distance.

In that moment, staying begins to feel more expensive – emotionally and mentally – than leaving.

If you have no savings and everything is joint, walking away feels impossible. Even if your soul is screaming to get out, your bank balance is whispering: You can’t afford it.

If you do have savings of your own quietly sitting in an account, the calculation changes. Suddenly, there’s a path:

• You can resign from the job that is making you sick.
• You can move out, enlist a lawyer, and fund a divorce.
• You can rent a small place of your own and buy yourself time to breathe.

That’s what a “f— you” fund really buys: not revenge, but options.

Why Secret Savings Still Matter

Talking about secret money can feel uncomfortable. It raises questions:

• Isn’t this dishonest?
• Doesn’t it show a lack of trust?
• Won’t it damage the relationship?

But for many women, the reality is more complicated.

If you have lived through financial chaos – a parent who gambled, a partner who controlled access to money, or a family where debt was the norm – privacy can feel like protection. A separate account becomes a boundary: this part of my life is safe, whatever happens around me.

It’s not always about leaving a person. Sometimes it’s about resisting pressure. If your partner or employer knows you literally can’t afford to lose that income, they may consciously or unconsciously push your limits. When you know you have a cushion, you’re more likely to say:

• “No, that’s not acceptable.”
• “I’m not taking on extra unpaid work.”
• “If this doesn’t change, I will leave.”

The fund is leverage – even if you never spend a cent of it.

The Emotional Peace Of A Quiet Safety Net

Women who have built these funds often describe a very specific feeling: peace.

It’s not the thrill of a windfall. It’s not “I’m rich now.” It’s something quieter and deeper: the sense that if everything went wrong tomorrow, they would not be completely at the mercy of someone else’s decisions.

That peace shows up in small ways:

• Sleeping better because you know you could cover a few months of rent.
• Feeling less trapped in a miserable job because you can survive during a career reset.
• Being braver in difficult conversations because losing the relationship doesn’t mean losing the roof over your head.

There’s a subtle but profound shift from “I hope nothing bad happens” to “If something bad happens, I’ll be able to cope.”

How Women Are Building Their “F— You” Funds

Unlike movie scenes of someone discovering a secret suitcase of cash, most real-life escape funds are built slowly and quietly.

Common tactics include:

• Line-by-line expense audits
  Going through every subscription and direct debit, cancelling anything half-used or forgotten. That streaming service no one watches, the gym membership you swore you’d use, the app you didn’t realise auto-renewed – all become seed money for your fund.
• Banking strategically
  Using current accounts that offer cashback, fee-free spending, or higher savings rates. Moving savings to whoever is offering the best interest rate, rather than leaving money to stagnate in an old account.
• Side income that no one else relies on
  Freelance work, selling unwanted clothes, managing holiday lets, pet-sitting, online teaching – small streams that steadily feed a separate savings pot.
• Non-negotiable transfers
  Treating the fund like a bill: a fixed amount leaves your main account every month and goes straight into your private pot before you have a chance to spend it.

Often, these funds start small. At first, it might just be enough to replace a phone, pay for a train ticket out of town, or cover one month of rent. But over time, those small amounts can grow into something powerful enough to finance a complete restart.

Not Just For Romantic Relationships

Although the original idea often centred around women escaping abusive partners, the modern version has expanded.

A “f— you” fund can help you:

• Leave a boss who bullies or gaslights you.
• Move out from a shared flat where the environment is toxic.
• Walk away from a business partnership that feels unethical.
• Relocate from a city that’s draining you.

In each case, the fund acts as a bridge between “I can’t handle this anymore” and “I’m on my way out.”

Is It Cynical – Or Just Smart?

Some people argue that building an escape fund is pessimistic, even cynical. If you’re planning for the worst, they say, maybe you’ll create it.

But there’s a difference between expecting disaster and being prepared for it.

We buy travel insurance even when we don’t plan to get sick. We lock our doors even though we don’t expect to be robbed. We save for retirement even if we hope to live a long, healthy life.

A “f— you” fund is simply emotional and financial insurance combined. You hope you never need to spend it. But if life pulls the rug from under you, you’ll be very glad it’s there.

Your Future Self Will Thank You

If you’re reading this and thinking, I wish I’d started ten years ago, that’s normal. Most people only realise the power of a walkaway fund after they’ve lived through a crisis without one.

The point is not to feel guilty about the past. The point is to give a gift to your future self.

Your future self might be:

• A woman exhausted by a job that burns her out.
• A partner slowly realising the relationship will not change.
• A mother who needs to protect her children from chaos.
• Or simply someone who wants the freedom to say “no” without fear.

For her sake, start small. Make it private. Make it consistent. And name the account whatever makes you feel strongest.

Because when life goes wrong – and at some point, it will – that quietly growing balance isn’t just numbers on a screen. It’s your exit door, your second chance, and your reminder that you are never truly stuck as long as you have the means to walk away.