There are a variety of ways one can respond to shame, including aggression, withdrawal, or the inversion of shame into pride. This is my story that recommends shame management as an adaptive alternative to aggression and withdrawal.

I told my story of bullying which resulted in shaming me publicly. I have been a victim of bullying throughout my whole life. From both individuals and top organisations within the fashion industry.
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What is Shame?

My bullying stems from a sense of people making me feel worthless. They made sure my feelings were all about not belonging. Thanks to years of bullying both as a child and an adult.
It is always a question I ask myself.
Am I good enough? Do I love myself enough?
I believe organisations or individuals bully others because they don’t love themselves. They don’t feel worthy of love and don’t believe they belong. This lack of compassion, disconnection towards others and not treating oneself kindly is why most of us bully.
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Our Leaders Bully

Take a look at our politicians right now. It is all about blaming others for leadership mistakes. It is their way to discharge pain and discomfort.

The world is in uncharted territory at present, it’s unsurprising that some countries would tear up the rule book for self-gain. Our leaders are at a loss on how to connect with its own people. They are always blaming others and shaming others too.

It also happens amongst the Religious debates too. Both powerful sectors are all about you are wrong and I am right. They are numb to being open to debate. This transcends into our working and home culture too. We all become selfish and disconnected emotionally.

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How And Why We Are Numb?

It comes down to self-worth.  Am  I Worthy? Am I a wholehearted person? If you are not these your behaviours become numb and compassion towards others is hard to do. When you are numb, there is no guilt amongst your peers. This leads to depression, workplace bullying and even leads to bullying on the internet. Internet bullying in adulthood allows many participants to join without feeling guilty for it. You become numb emotionally.

The indirect effects of cyberbullying leads to young adults having many anxiety attacks. Mental health is at an all-time high because we do not know how to connect and love ourselves enough. We don’t have the tools to understand that loving ourselves is the key to coping with shame.

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Courage

What is the emotional pattern for the experience of bullying?  It’s bitterness, anger and frustration. Most of us when it comes to shame and bullying it all stems from our childhood experiences. How can we overcome these self distracting emotions?
Its called Courage. Courage is all about sharing how harmful comments effect us.  Courage is alerting on your personal profile your heart. To correct society with free tools on victimization experiences. Courage is to tell your story of who you are with your whole heart. To express that you have the courage to be imperfect. Vulnerability is the key to overcome bullying.
The uncertainty is what is the hardest to expose your bullying experiences. Shame does affect your mental health but sharing your emotions in social relationships is why courage is not an easy thing to do. But courage is a brave and effective way to get your bullying and shame message across to others.
It’s the only way others are going to relate to you. It’s a step towards compassion.

Compassion Treat Yourself Kindly

Compassion is about being your authentic self. This may lead to social exclusion and result in other mental health symptoms. But sharing your compassionate side by fully embracing vulnerability.
Is a  beautiful disorder to have. It’s a step to compassion for others who have also been bullied and shamed.

Being vulnerable, open and sharing your story means there are no guarantees of the end of results. For me after my bullying in fashion, It was necessary to say I love myself first. That I belonged at the fashion weeks.

Gracie Opulanza London Fashion week 2014

Me in 2014 London Fashion week

Vulnerability is the core remedy of love and connection tenderness. I got bullied in 2014 and it has been years of a  long street fight of me being revengeful and angry. My anger only limited me from moving forward in life and also in business. I numbed the vulnerability process. That is why it has taken me years to forgive the bullying and shaming I experienced at London Fashion Weeks.

When you numb emotion,  you numb happiness and future opportunities.

Asking For Help?

Many ways we numb or ignore our emotions is living an imbalanced life. Such as overspending or debt, overeating resulting in obese. For many drinking and seeking other medical remedies like drugs and anti-depression alternatives are why we become disconnected from others and our selves.

This is not the solution it just delays the healing process. If you can’t feel the mental pain how are you going to learn to be vulnerable and show compassion towards others? How are you going to face the shame and humiliation of the bullying process?

I am wise, smarter and have immense compassion for those who have been bullied.

Beauty Therapy

The current study shows that many women are getting fat from their butts into their cheeks. Again as a mum of two, this is concerning as my girls very young are questioning their beauty and depending on procedures to make them look more beautiful. My kids are wired for struggle and I want to support the struggle of cyberbullying and teaching them to be real and humble. That is painful when I allow them to connect with their emotions. Apposed to quick-fix beauty methods.

As there are benefits to cosmetic surgery there are also negative outcomes.

Numbing your emotions by shaming on and offline is not teaching anyone survival skills. Feeling sadness and shame for body shaming is hard but can help you move forward.

Not to be a people pleaser is the hardest skill I have had to ever learn.  But what is more challenging and terrifying especially in the world of fashion is to let ourselves be seen. To love others with our whole hearts.  As a parent, I struggle with this due to the amount of bullying and shaming I have had over the years.

My girls need to love who they are in order to get through bullying in life.

Bullying

Gratitude For Being Bullied

This last year I have learnt the art and practise of gratitude. If I never went through the bullying in fashion  I would not be writing my story to you. I want to inspire and encourage you to be your authentic self. That joy and gratefulness are all about saying. I am enough.

When you believe and practice this. You can work from a place of not defending yourself and listen to others and most importantly be kind to yourself. I have lots of compassion for others who struggle to believe in themselves. My heart is very sad when others allow them to be bullied and make them feel worthless. I am in the right mindset to defend them when they are weak and vulnerable. In recent months I have mentored women who are not loving themselves and allowing others to make them feel that they are not enough.

You are enough, be vulnerable and share your heartbreaking bullying moments.